Hummer
by DC Derringer
Summary: Talking to himself, Dean mentions wanting a hummer. Castiel overhears and is determined to give him one.


Hummer

It had been a long month for Dean. A vampire nest, a zombie outbreak, another damn shifter, three ghosts, a demonic possession, and a werewolf. Not to mention the extra 2000 miles they put on the Impala, driving from Nebraska, to Florida, across to Texas, back up to South Dakota, then east to Delaware. He added 8 more crappy motels to his list of about a million other crappy motels he'd stayed in. And then on top of that, he hadn't been laid the entire time.

"I really need a hummer right about now," Dean said aloud to the motel room he was sitting in while he watched TV and drank a luke warm beer he'd been nursing for the last 30 minutes.

"What's a hummer?"

Dean jumped in his seat on the lumpy couch, and caught his beer before it slipped out of his fingers. He bit back a few choice curse words, and then turned a wicked glare to Castiel who had suddenly appeared next to him on the couch.

"First of all, stop doing that. Second of all, stop listening in on me."

"Coming through the door wastes time, and I wasn't listening. I overheard you while I was coming in. Is a hummer a kind of food you need?"

Dean groaned and rolled his head against the back of the couch, shutting his eyes with frustration. He wasn't in the mood to explain human slang, and human practices with the literal-minded angel.

"No. It's not food. Don't worry about it."

"You said you really needed one. I could get one for you."

"No, dude, you can't 'get' a hummer," Dean said, trying hard not to laugh as he imagined Castiel going into a store asking for a hummer. "It's not a thing. It's something you do. With a woman. You know what I'm getting at?" Dean asked hopefully. He so did not want to explain this to Castiel.

"You're talking about sex, aren't you?" Castiel said, blushing just a little, but also trying to give Dean a slightly disapproving look.

"Yes. It's about sex. So like I said, you can't get it for me."

"Why do you not go to the bar down the road, consume some alcohol, and bring a woman back to the motel, like you usually do?"

"If it were that simple, don't you think I would have done that by now?" Dean gave him a dark look. "I just haven't been having much luck lately."

"If you do not have a hummer soon, what will happen to you?"

"Nothing will happen to me. I'm just tense is all."

"Stress can lead to any number of related physical and mental illnesses. Let me check your health." Castiel reached out and touched Dean's forehead, like he was taking his temperature. "Your blood pressure is up, mild sleep deprivation, scattered headaches, muscle tightness, low energy, and your right wrist is a little over strained." Castiel drew his hand away. "Perhaps you need a hummer more than you think."

Dean puffed out his cheeks at Castiel's diagnosis, especially the last part, and then rolled his eyes at his conclusion. "Like I said, there's not much I can do about it."

"What about prostitutes?"

"I'm not paying for it," Dean said, sounding offended. "That's OK for you, since it was your first time, and you're way too awkward for a bar, but I have my standards."

Castiel sat silently for a moment, his brow furrowed with worry as he thought of a way to improve Dean's health. After some thought, an obvious solution came to mind.

"I could give you a hummer," he said easily.

This caused Dean to spit out his beer in a thick spray that left the TV screen glistening across the room. He wiped his mouth roughly, and coughed a few times to clear his wind pipe. He finally turned around to Castiel and said very clearly;

"No."

Castiel frowned and considered for a moment. "Is it because my vessel is male? Do I not have the correct sexual organs to give you a hummer?"

"Stop saying hummer! It sounds weird when you say it."

"I don't even know what a hummer is, how can I say something else?"

"It's a blow job," Dean said, but when Castiel gave him a blank stare, he went on. "You know, getting head, going down, smoking the pole, playing the skin flute?" Still Castiel gave him a blank stare. "Oral sex, Cas. It's when you put your mouth on a guy's dick and suck it."

"Oh. Then the sexual organs of my vessel are irrelevant."

"They are relevant because I don't have sex with dudes."

"I'm not a 'dude,' Dean. I am an angel of the Lord."

"In a dude's body. So again; no."

"I don't understand why you are being so stubborn when your health is at risk."

Dean ignored him for the rest of the evening, despite multiple offers and urgings to consider his health.

Another month passed and Dean's luck still hadn't changed. To add salt to the wound, his right wrist really had started hurting, forcing him to warm up his rusty left-handed techniques, which weren't nearly as satisfying.

"You seem to be experiencing some added mental exhaustion," Castiel said to Dean one afternoon after once again checking his health by touching his forehead.

"I just need a good night's sleep," Dean grumbled. He knew where this conversation was heading, as it had a few other times in the past month.

"You have not been sleeping much lately, and when you do, your dreams add to the stress you are currently experiencing."

That was a nice way of saying he was having sexually charged wet dreams every night and waking up with his shorts in a sticky mess that he had to wash in the sink without Sam noticing or else risk being mocked ceaselessly about his lack of charisma with women of late.

"Cas, you've been going on about this for a month. I'm starting to think you don't really care about my health and you just want to suck my dick."

"That's not true," Castiel said stiffly, looking offended that Dean would ever suggest such a thing. "My concern is solely your health since it is necessary in your line of work. Should you become fatally injured due to your mental health and die, it would be my fault for not guarding you properly. I am your angel after all."

Dean sighed a heavy, weight-of-the-world sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said.

"Fine?" Castiel asked, a little perplexed by Dean's uncommon one word response.

"Fine. I'm stressed. You're stressed about me being stressed. Let's get this over with. Give me a damn hummer."

"Finally," Castiel said, sounding like a mother whose child had finally agreed to do some much protested chore. "Now, what do I do first?"

"After all this time nagging and pestering me about this damn hummer, you don't even know what to do?"

"You know I haven't… had occasion," Castiel said, with a slight blush.

"Forget it then," Dean said. "I'm not going to walk you through your first hummer. I must have been out of my damn mind to even consider it." Dean got up quickly to seek refuge in Sam's company before Castiel had a chance to convince him again.

"Sam. I need to ask you a question," Castiel said as he appeared in the motel room in front of Sam while Dean was in the shower.

Sam put down his steaming cup of coffee carefully, leveling an ignored glare at Castiel for almost making him spill it. But his expression softened when he saw the crease of worry between Castiel's eyes. "What's the matter, Cas?"

"I need to know how to perform a hummer."

And then Sam did drop his coffee.

Once Castiel had healed the second degree burns on his legs and cleaned up his pants for him, wondering at the clumsy and jumpy nature of the Winchester brothers, Sam sat down again trying to get his mind in order to have what was surely going to be a surreal conversation with an angel.

"OK. Why do you need to know how to perform a hummer?"

"I need to give it to someone," Castiel said casually.

"Who?"

Here Castiel paused, with Dean's name on his lips, and thought on previous conversations between the two brothers about their sex lives, and remembered phrases such as "too much information," "Now I need brain bleach," and on one occasion, which wasn't much of a conversation as an occurrence, when Sam shouted "Gah! My eyes!" and ran out of a room Dean was in with a woman.

"It doesn't matter who. I just need to know how to give a hummer."

"Uhm… ok," Sam said, confused by Castiel's secrecy. "Well, uh, you know the basics, right? Like, what a hummer is?"

"Yes. It is when you put your mouth on a guy's dick and suck it."

If Sam had been holding another cup of coffee, he would have dropped that too, hearing those crude words coming out of the angel's mouth.

"OK. Well, that is basically what you do. Soooo, I think you're all set," Sam said, eager to finish the conversation.

"But… How does one do it precisely? What is the first thing to do? And what is the best technique?"

"You know what? I think Dean could handle this conversation better. Why don't you ask him? Here he comes." With Dean just getting out of the shower, Sam headed directly for the door, shouting back that he needed more coffee just before slamming the door closed.

Castiel looked to Dean, fresh from the shower, and Dean surveyed the scene, considering Sam's hasty retreat, and the look on Castiel's face. He held up a finger, pointed at Castiel like he was a bad dog, and said clearly; "No."

Castiel's face fell with frustration.

Castiel decided to do some research on his own, since neither Winchester seemed willing or able to teach him about hummers. His first obvious choice was the place Dean had taken him to help him lose his virginity. It had ended unsuccessfully, but if he understood humans and Dean's crass conversation topics correctly, the women in that house would know an awful lot about hummers.

So he went to the house with the half-dressed women, and asked the stout older woman at the door if any of them would be able to teach him about hummers. She told him that would cost $50, but when he insisted it would only be for educational purposes, and that no actual contact would be necessary, she told him to get the hell out of the house before she had him thrown out.

Frustrated, but undeterred, Castiel wracked his brain for other ideas. The next obvious solution that came to mind was to go to the library like Dean and Sam usually did when they needed to do research on local lore and monsters. So he went to the library, had a conversation with the librarian who turned very red, and was finally shown to the human health section. The topic sounded right, since it did concern Dean's health. So Castiel took a number of books on the shelf and started reading through them. He found out a lot of practical knowledge about oral sex, but there were no pictures. When he asked the librarian, she turned even redder and told him to leave.

The next stop was the sort of magazine shops Dean liked to go to when he bought his magazines of "Busty Asian Beauties." Castiel found that magazine, but it only depicted women. He went to the clerk and asked him if he had any magazines with men in them, and was directed to another shop down the road, around the corner, and in a dark alley.

Castiel had a little trouble finding this next shop, but when he did, was very glad to find the right sort of magazines. He even found one called "Ballsy Asian Beauties" with fold out pictures. And the clerk was very helpful when he asked him about hummers and information about them. He pointed him out to a rack filled with DVD's which Castiel was very grateful for, since now he would not only have pictures, but also a video tutorial.

Castiel took the magazines and DVD's back to the motel room and started doing his research. Fortunately, Dean and Sam were out making the rounds as FBI trying to get information from the locals about their most recent job.

Sam and Dean came back at the same time that evening, and were greeted by Castiel and a pile of gay pornography. Castiel looked up at them, not looking guilty, but quite determined. He stood quickly, and approached Dean with the two fingers on his hand raised to Dean's forehead.

"Come. You need a hummer," he said, and then he and Dean were zapped out of the room, leaving Sam behind, confused and mildly disturbed by what he'd just seen and heard.

In another room in the same motel, Dean and Castiel reappeared, with Dean a little dazed and confused by the determined angel.

"Cas, what's going on?"

"Your health has seriously declined and I am the only one concerned about it. So I have done research on how to properly perform a hummer and am prepared to give you one."

"Research?"

"Yes, I watched a video with a pizza man," Castiel said, and then shoved Dean back onto the bed. Castiel being so much stronger, Dean had no resistance and fell back onto the bed. Before he had time to get up or protest, Castiel was kneeling between his legs and spreading him wide with his hands. Then his head was between Dean's legs, nuzzling the bulge in his jeans, which was quickly growing harder.

"Uhn… Cas, wait…" Dean gasped out. Things were moving very, very quickly, much like some of his favorite pornos, but in his case, he wasn't so sure about this, especially since it was very strange having this very sure-footed, determined angel between his legs, grinding his face against Dean's cock and making erotic porn star noises while he was at it.

"I can't wait," Castiel said firmly in his gravelly voice. "Your health is at serious risk since you have waited this long, and so you have left me no choice but to force the issue."

"Cas, you really don't need to."

"Shut up, Dean," Castiel said, and then his fingers were popping open the button on Dean's pants, and then, in a move that made Dean groan with heat, Castiel fastened his teeth to Dean's zipper and pulled it down.

Dean's pants came off very quickly after that, and then, maybe because he'd seen it in the video, Castiel also peeled off Dean's shirt, running his hands fast and rough all over Dean's body, making his tense, pent-up body tremble with pleasure as his cock swelled up, hot and red and dripping all over his thighs.

"Jesus, Cas, where did you learn all this?"

"I learned it from the pizza man," Castiel said, and then he wrapped his lips around the throbbing tip of Dean's cock, slurping it loudly as he had seen in the video, and then moaning low in his throat, making the sort of sounds Dean made when he was eating an especially delicious cheeseburger.

Dean made a similar sound, deeper, needier, more genuine, and flopped back on the bed as his cock was enveloped in the tight, wet heat of Castiel's mouth, a mixture of disbelief and pleasure washing over him and leaving his mind in a tangled mess of confusion that left him no power to argue.

Castiel watched Dean carefully, studying his reaction, and was pleased to see Dean lying back to enjoy himself, and that he was no longer protesting. Clearly, Dean HAD needed a hummer, and Castiel was doing a good job of it. But this was just the beginning.

Castiel tongued the slit of Dean's cock, getting an intense taste of the pre-cum welling up there, and a rough jerk from Dean's hips. Smiling around his mouthful, Castiel continued in the fashion he had seen in the video, and started moving lower, taking more of Dean's cock into his mouth, making it slick and wet for his lips by laving it with his tongue on the way down. Occasionally, he would bob back up, his tongue twirling around the rim of Dean's cock head, and then sink back down, taking him deep again.

Dean's breathing was becoming frantic, and his hips were rolling against his will, pushing up against the intense and expert pleasure Castiel was giving him, trying to push deeper into the angel's mouth to get even more. He knew it wasn't going to take so long, since he was so pent up, but then on top of it, Castiel was just so. Fucking. Good.

"Oh, God, Castiel…." Dean grunted, pulling himself up a little and burying his hands in Castiel's hair, tugging it affectionately, but finding he had no need to "steer" Castiel as he did other partners. The angel was pushing all of his buttons perfectly.

Castiel looked up at Dean, bright blue eyes, big and attentive, shaded by long, dark lashes, and then that mouth, those hot, pink lips, wet and swollen and wrapped tightly around his dick while the angel bobbed up and down, sucking and slurping, like he'd sucked a hundred dicks before. The sight of it almost pushed Dean over the edge. Made it really hard to hold back in fact.

"Cas… Gonna go soon…" Dean groaned, closing his eyes to the added stimulus of looking at the porn star angel between his legs. He tugged on Castiel's hair gently, urging him away from his soon to explode cock.

Castiel pulled away, very, very slowly, running his lips all the way to the very tip, and then lingering there with his tongue. His hand followed the path, gripping the base of Dean's cock, and then started jacking him, fast and sure, wanting to work the orgasm out of him.

Feeling Castiel's mouth slip free, feeling his firm, confident grip on his cock, Dean felt relief, freedom to just let loose and blow his load without drowning Castiel in the flood that was sure to come. He screwed up his eyes tight, imagining still the look of Castiel on his cock, even as he stroked him, and then he let loose, hot, and hard, his cock jumping in Castiel's grip, pulsing and jerking with the intensity of his orgasm. Dean himself let out a loud, satisfied moan, after months of pent up sexual frustration, and then finally opened his eyes to see how Castiel was.

Dean's breath caught in his throat, and he was certain his cock was already getting hard again.

Castiel stayed kneeling between Dean's legs, panting just ever so slightly through his wide open mouth, and was quickly using his fingers to catch the sticky strings of semen that were dripping down his face and chin, and sucking them into his mouth, swallowing every drop like he was a man about to die of thirst.

When Castiel had finished cleaning up his face, licking up every last drop of cum Dean had unknowingly poured out on his face, he beamed up at Dean. "Did I do the hummer properly?"

Dean groaned deep in his throat, and it turned into a predatory growl as he pounced on Castiel, tumbling him to the floor while he started tearing his clothes off.

"Cas, I am going to bang the Hell out of you," Dean growled, groping and fondling the angel beneath him.

"Dean, I don't have any Hell in me. I am an angel of the Lord."

"Shut up, Cas."


End file.
